Where's Your Edge?

When was the last time you did something that would require:

a)       An eyebrow-lifting time commitment (as in, over 100 days)?

b)      Gut twisting accountability to keep you on track?

c)       A serious self arse-kicking

d)      Massive “inner-toddler” tantrum taming

e)      Dragging yourself over the line of what you want to do, should have to do, can do?

Some people commit to run marathons to get a taste of this delightful formula.

Some people train and trek to Base Camp.

Then there are others, like me, who’d happily skip towards a physical fitness challenge but visibly shrivel at the idea of doing Instagram Live for 100 Days on the trot.  I mean, why would anyone do something like that?

(Bethan lifts hand tentatively).

Ten days ago I sat in a beautiful in an Art Deco Café with a friend who I hadn’t seen in a while. We were talking about coaching and bringing our skills and voices to the world in strong, authentic, unapologetic ways. And somehow … somehow … SOMEHOW … Laura ended up challenging me to do 100 Instagram Lives in a row.

Yes.

One hundred days.

With my face.

On purpose.

Now, let’s be clear here … I’m a pretty experienced speaker. I am used to standing up in front of people and delivering workshops. But over the last few years, much of my work has been 1-1. This means that I (me) hold the container for you (the client) so YOU are given the space to voice, express, hold the talking stick and really grow / get close to the edges of what is possible for your incredible potential.

So the idea of ME holding the talking stick, showing my face and bringing my thoughts to the echo-chamber of Instagram felt strangely horrible, painfully gross, weirdly testing.

For those reasons, I knew I was in.

“I’ll give it a go,” I heard myself say, albeit in a slightly strangled voice.  

Laura whooped. “Amazing!”

And then the fun began.

The 100 Lives Challenge was to begin the following Friday. This gave me time and distance to mull it over, shrug and go “bahh, it’ll be fine”. Then the day crept closer. My initial nonchalant attitude waned and instead, the Bethan-Ego (bless it) staged a full-blown coup.   

“WTF are you doing?” it demanded. “Do you realise the time, effort, energy you’re going to have to put into this?”

“You’ll be LIVE! What if you accidently say something you shouldn't say?”

“You’ll become part of the internet noise that is drowning people's souls. Why would you pollute the world with more of that shite?”

With each day that crept closer, Ego increased the disaster scenarios projected onto the walls of my psyche. And it was doing a bloody impressive job. Sometimes I even sat there and wondered if I should heed its warnings, BUT fortunately for me and unfortunately for my Ego, I knew what was happening.

Which is: “The moment you do something new, its the Ego’s job to freak the fuck out.”

Ego, you see, is very attached to (and extremely serious about) keeping the Identity safe. Ego's definition of safe is, “nothing changes. Ever. Under any circumstances. You hear me?!”

So, the moment you approach the edge of a new identity, a new level of visibility, a new commitment that may expand your world into unchartered territory … Ego pulls the fire alarm. It really doesn’t care whether the move you make is going to be good for your health, wealth, growth or creativity. All it cares about is that this thing is NEW, unpredictable and will require you to change and expand in some way.

In his book “The Big Leap” Gay Hendricks refers to this as one's “havingness levels”. He describes our internal “thermostats”, the level of goodness we’re comfortable experiencing in any area of out lives and how we unconsciously sabotage ourselves should we try to move beyond those glass ceilings.

In my coaching sessions, I refer to it as the “threshold effect” and it’s this psychological pattern that I see in my clients all the time: right before a breakthrough, the Ego intensifies the resistance.

We reach the door in our growth, prepare to cross the threshold, put our hands on the handle and suddenly we’re surrounded by every fear, self criticism, heebie-jeebie and boogie-monster that our mind can pull out of the bag. This is the point that most people stop and step back.

For me, this 100 Lives Challenge sent my Ego into utter freak-out mode – which is exactly why I’m even more committed to doing it. The drama that my mind is making is the signal that something interesting lies beyond the door. Okay, so, maybe I’ll alienate everyone I know (as my Ego has sagely implied) and maybe I’ll hate the whole process (yeah, thanks again Ego) … but maybe ... MAYBE something else lies on the other side of this. Even if it’s simply my own personal Will to overcome a bunch of fears.

If you are reading this (thank you btw) you’ll probably recognize a time when you’ve come to your edge and your Ego has acted like a cat in a bathtub. These fears are universal and whilst we all have an Ego attempting to barricade our thresholds and keep us in our comfort zones, we only really have the chance to find the magic when we courageously walk through the door.

Question is - will you do it?

 (Today is now The BIG Friday. Day 1 of the 100 Instagram Lives. If you want to watch some, I’m @bethanchristopher / EEEEEK. Let’s go!)